Its probably good that life exists on a continuum and not just all highs or lows. Either one is exhausting and drains lifes experiences of their meaning.
So while I walked through a world devoid of joy following Emmes death I tried to remind myself that this was what acute grief feels like and that time would help.
I felt as fragile as an eggshell with the insides blown out and at the same time curiously numb. Im sure many factors contributed to that. The rapidity of the progression of Emmes disease especially.
That time will always serve as a reminder to me that we all grieve differently based on our own unique set of circumstances and that the only thing a grieving person needs or even can comprehend is the language of compassion spoken in the key of kindness.
So as I mentioned in my last entry, I got an email with a picture of a puppy who definitely did NOT know how to "sell" himself.
That alone was pitiful. I was pitiful. He was pitiful. It seemed like a good omen to take each other on.
Salvation doesnt always come wrapped and labeled as such does it? But he has been mine.
I couldnt ever replace or find another Emme if I waited a week or 50 years so it seemed that I should just jump in. Follow my heart.
He was born when a cur stray wandered in to a biker bar one night. The bikers convinced the owner to let the dog stay and they made her a bed, on whence she proceeded to lay down and have 8 puppies.
The bikers took up a collection to take mama and the pups to a Vet who gave them the name of a rescue group which could help. The biker group sponsored the care of the puppies and each one was given a biker related name.
The puppy I would eventually get was named Ryder. He had a hard go of it.. Round after round of treatment for worms. Then a skin infection. Finally diagnosed and treated as ringworm. So all during the month of October, as his siblings one after the other went to homes, he stayed in foster care visiting the Vet for treatments.
This meant he was held just long enough for me to go through my caring for Emme all through that same month of October.
So he sat in no mans land- not adopted and I came out of my grief just long enough to see his picture in the middle of November.
When I went to the agency to see about adopting him they told me I couldn't see him because he was medically unavailable (the ringworm thing). I was about to turn and leave and the woman said "wait a minute, are you the one who sent me the email?" Turns out I was. I thought they would have gotten lots of emails with offers to adopt him but no....
just me!
So I brought him home the same day.
He is a big galoof. Such a puppy, full time chewing and piddling and wanting to play at bedtime. Just like a baby.
I have no idea what breed he is. Emme was Boxer/Pit. I like that combination a lot. He has a boxer trait - that one of turning their head to the side.
But he also points his foot like a bird dog and bays like a blood hound when excited LOL, he is just a bit of this and a bit of that I am guessing.
I love him.
After a week together I changed his name. I like to let my dogs tell me their own name, they will if you observe hard enough.
So his name is Brigg. He has come to it from the first time I tried it.
I freak him out when I sing (see below) especially when I sing Celine Dion (this might be a good place to mention that I cant sing at all).
But other than that, we're golden.
So while I walked through a world devoid of joy following Emmes death I tried to remind myself that this was what acute grief feels like and that time would help.
I felt as fragile as an eggshell with the insides blown out and at the same time curiously numb. Im sure many factors contributed to that. The rapidity of the progression of Emmes disease especially.
That time will always serve as a reminder to me that we all grieve differently based on our own unique set of circumstances and that the only thing a grieving person needs or even can comprehend is the language of compassion spoken in the key of kindness.
So as I mentioned in my last entry, I got an email with a picture of a puppy who definitely did NOT know how to "sell" himself.
That alone was pitiful. I was pitiful. He was pitiful. It seemed like a good omen to take each other on.
Salvation doesnt always come wrapped and labeled as such does it? But he has been mine.
I couldnt ever replace or find another Emme if I waited a week or 50 years so it seemed that I should just jump in. Follow my heart.
He was born when a cur stray wandered in to a biker bar one night. The bikers convinced the owner to let the dog stay and they made her a bed, on whence she proceeded to lay down and have 8 puppies.
The bikers took up a collection to take mama and the pups to a Vet who gave them the name of a rescue group which could help. The biker group sponsored the care of the puppies and each one was given a biker related name.
The puppy I would eventually get was named Ryder. He had a hard go of it.. Round after round of treatment for worms. Then a skin infection. Finally diagnosed and treated as ringworm. So all during the month of October, as his siblings one after the other went to homes, he stayed in foster care visiting the Vet for treatments.
This meant he was held just long enough for me to go through my caring for Emme all through that same month of October.
So he sat in no mans land- not adopted and I came out of my grief just long enough to see his picture in the middle of November.
When I went to the agency to see about adopting him they told me I couldn't see him because he was medically unavailable (the ringworm thing). I was about to turn and leave and the woman said "wait a minute, are you the one who sent me the email?" Turns out I was. I thought they would have gotten lots of emails with offers to adopt him but no....
just me!
So I brought him home the same day.
He is a big galoof. Such a puppy, full time chewing and piddling and wanting to play at bedtime. Just like a baby.
I have no idea what breed he is. Emme was Boxer/Pit. I like that combination a lot. He has a boxer trait - that one of turning their head to the side.
But he also points his foot like a bird dog and bays like a blood hound when excited LOL, he is just a bit of this and a bit of that I am guessing.
I love him.
After a week together I changed his name. I like to let my dogs tell me their own name, they will if you observe hard enough.
So his name is Brigg. He has come to it from the first time I tried it.
I freak him out when I sing (see below) especially when I sing Celine Dion (this might be a good place to mention that I cant sing at all).
But other than that, we're golden.
Aww he is soooooo yummy cute. He reminds me of my boxer. He's probably part that. Suki did some pointing on her own. Go figure. I'm glad he's stolen your heart. Too bad you're not next door because he and Millie could be buddies.
ReplyDelete